Hello, My Name is Adequate

Feelings of inadequacy.  This – and all that it encompasses – is my biggest area of weakness.  This is at the heart of our biggest marriage struggles and my highest parenting hurdles.

Fears of not being enough.  Of not being good enough.  Of not being attractive enough.  Of not making the right decision.  Of not having the ability to educate my children.  Of not being successful.  Of not pleasing the Lord.  Of not making my parents proud.  Of pushing my husband away.

My children are with my parents and 8 of their cousins for a week.  My husband and I are here at the beach together spending some much-needed time relaxing and hanging out.  I look forward to this week all year.  And yet, even here, I find myself battling these same feelings of inadequacy.  I see the girls and young women in their bikinis, and then I look in the mirror.  Inadequate.  I know that my parents will be spending a week with my children, and I wonder what my kids will say or do that will reveal mistakes I have made as a parent.  Inadequate.  I’ve spent hours upon hours and lots of money trying to grow my blog, courses, and speaking opportunities, and so far I have very little to show for it.  Inadequate.

But I know these thoughts and feelings are not of the Lord.  He describes me as “more than a conqueror.”  He says I am “fearfully and wonderfully made.”  He says that my works have been “prepared in advance” for me to do.  He has promised to “never leave me nor forsake me.”  He says I am adequate.

About a year ago, one of the pastors in our church prayed over me.  He didn’t know why I had come down front for prayer.  I wasn’t even entirely sure.  He didn’t talk to me; he just started praying.  And he prayed for me to know that I was adequate.

In Revelation 2:17, I read this amazing description:

… To the one who conquers I will give some of the hidden manna, and I will give him a white stone, with a new name written on the stone that no one knows except the one who receives it.

When the pastor prayed over me that day, I felt like I got a little preview of that.  I don’t know what my white stone will say then, but I know what it says now.  My name is Adequate.  Lord, help me to remember who You say that I am.  On my own, I can do nothing, but with You all things are possible.  Your grace is sufficient.  In You, I am enough.  I am adequate.